You give me fever

“Come. Come, look here,” said the dispatch clerk in Durbanville Post Office, South Africa, “I support the All Black, see?”

He flips open his phone and shows me his picture of Carlos Spencer. “All Black. See!”

And everywhere the talk is about Jonah Lomu. “Is he well?” I’m asked. Many times. Gosh, I know we’re a small nation but we don’t all get together for a feed on a Sunday arvo. I just nod and tell everyone he’s doing okay. He’s doing okay, right?

The thing is, you just don’t exactly realise the extent of the cult following until you leave Godzone. Aside from Lord of the Rings, the All Blacks have an international reputation that borders on religious fanaticism. Through my travels this year I’m constantly asked about the AB’s, as if talking to me will make some of their magic rub off on them.

So I’m not in the least surprised that their training sessions in France are mobbed by legions of fans. Branding execs take note, this is how to do it. I could be cynical, but I’m a fan myself, so a part of my heart is swelling.

England on the other hand celebrated their world cup launch by hosting a Scrum in the Park last weekend. I’m not exactly swimming in cashflow, so heading to Marseille to catch the kiwis didn’t make it on the agenda. Regent Park on the other hand is a few stops up on the Bakerloo line, so I decided to drop by and check out the competition. The difference couldn’t be any starker.

If you could stereotype the All Blacks as burly men dripping with testosterone, then the image I got of the English team is a tea party in the park.

They’re jolly fit, and marvellously well-spoken. Ready to give the world cup a go. They even won the trophy last time round (and by-the-by saved me a bet of getting my chest waxed, of which I am still ardently grateful).

But walking round the park, I felt no hum of energy. There was no pre-tournament electricity that seems to hang in the air with these things. It felt like a fair, with fans in red and white enjoying the lazy British summer.

The thing to do was to press flesh with the English rugby team. A queue had formed with their rugby jerseys ready to sign. I timed it and it was three minutes long. That is to say, the walk from the end to the beginning of the queue took me three minutes. It was depressingly orderly, polite and tidy. You can mock them, but the English really do know how to make a good queue.

So call me disappointed. Although I’ll be watching the English play on the paddock, and I’m sure they’ll knock out a few good turns, the scrum in the park was nothing much but a large advert for 02, sponsors of the English team.

For sure, the All Blacks have their sponsors too, but maybe the difference is the All Blacks are the brand. Sponsors must queue in droves to have the AB’s on their merchandise.

And I guarantee you they won’t be orderly, polite or tidy.